Last night I was reminded in my Bread Basics class about balance and discipline. These two words seem to be the theme of my year. When a pattern develops in my life, I’ve learned to acknowledge and do my best to understand it because there is a life lesson waiting to be learned.
Yesterday I felt the weight of an emotional hangover. The high I experienced on Wednesday dissipated Thursday morning and I was left with an endorphin withdrawal. Not even a nap cured the struggle of it. I recognized what I was dealing with and decided to keep moving.
So when I showed up to bread class last night, I trudged in with that heaviness. We were instructed to make a dough from a “daily bread” recipe. In my funk, I thought to myself “To hell with my perfectionist tendencies, let’s forget the precise weight of using the scale. I’ll go the imperfect route of using the cup and spoon measurements. We’ll see what happens.” The result was an incredibly dense dough that felt like I was trying to knead an oversized, hard, and over chewed piece of gum.
Immediately I knew it wasn’t right. Our Instructor came over confirmed my assessment and told me to start over. The permission to begin anew was pivotal. I went into the next attempt with more attention to detail; more love; and with more patience. Space was created for me to be “present” in my process. The difference was obvious with the touch of my hands, as I combined the ingredients. It was as if I had transferred the bad energy and lack of love into my first dough, so with the release, I was able to come back and start fresh to create with love and intention.
Nicole Staniger, of Quiet Earth Midwifery, used my experience as a teaching tool to remind us of the importance of practice. If something does not come naturally to us, that does not mean we need to put it down. If it’s a true interest and desire, then we can make a decision to persevere through the challenge of it. What we lack in talent, we have the opportunity to make up for it with discipline and mechanics.
This encouragement and reminder is not new to me. There are other endeavors that I’ve been implementing in my personal growth journey. I’m learning that when I falter, it’s because of my tendency toward lack of balance and/or lack of discipline. I’ve allowed emotions to rule for so long, that now it will require discipline to bring my physical, emotional, and spiritual self into balance.
Overcoming the disappointment from my first loveless dough, allowed me to move on and to create a loaf that nourished my family today. When my three year old son refused to eat the chorizo and eggs I prepared this morning for breakfast, I used my redemption loaf to create a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for him to enjoy. He complimented me on the taste of the bread and I took it to heart.